


Make It All Better

by LLReid



Category: Bloodbound (Visual Novels)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Canon LGBTQ Character, F/F, Human/Vampire Relationship, Implied Sexual Content, LGBTQ Character of Color, Mental Health Issues, Mild Sexual Content, REQUEST!!, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:35:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26433517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LLReid/pseuds/LLReid
Summary: Inspired by; 100 Bandaids by Faouzia {stripped version}~~~~~“Annie?,” she said softly as she slipped inside the room, freezing in the doorway at the sight of Anastasia. She was hunched over on the bed, clutching a pillow to her chest, her hair messed up in a way that made it look as if she’d been pulling at it, her face drenched with tears. The hurt in her eyes made Kamilah’s ancient heart clench in her chest, how could a mortal endure that much pain and keep on living? Her glacial gaze was starting to eat away at her insides. Razor-blade butterflies whirled in her heart.“Please don’t look at me like this,” the mortal sobbed, burying her face in the pillow. “Its... better if you don’t see me like this. If you can’t see my scars, you can pretend that they don’t exist.” Her voice was hoarse and distant when she spoke, and filled with fear. As if she was repeating word-for-word what someone else had once said to her after seeing her this way. “Please go— you’ll— you’ll never look at me the same way after this. I’m a mess.”
Relationships: Kamilah Sayeed/Anastasia Sayeed, Kamilah Sayeed/Anastasia Swann, Kamilah Sayeed/Main Character (Bloodbound)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 68





	Make It All Better

**Author's Note:**

> PROMPT: can you maybe write smth where Kamilah is comforting MC after she had a panic attack or smth like that maybe set in BB2

“Where is Anastasia?,” Kamilah asked Lily. Everyone had been gathered around the fire pit for the past few hours at Elias’ villa to unwind after their battle with The Order, and she and her pretty mortal had taken a beautiful walk through the vineyards together, but she’d turned her back for ten minutes and Anastasia was now nowhere to be found. That in itself was hardly unusual, given that the girl had the attention span of a goldfish and always seemed to be doing a dozen things at once, but Kamilah craved to be close to her.

The truth was, she was torn between wanting to tear her clothes off and fuck her senseless or wanting to sit somewhere quiet and talk to her the whole night. The sex that she might’ve desired needed to be a little rough and crude to balance out the elegance. A touch of tasteful violence went a long way when they were in that sort of mood. But the sort of lazy night that also sounded appealing involved sweatpants and cuddling. It was a curious war she was fighting, but she’d be happy with either victory. She just had to find her wandering girlfriend first, now that she’d grown exhausted by everyone else’s company.

“She’s in her room... but you should probably give her some space—“

“What’s wrong? Is the wound on her back—“

“No,” Lily interjected, quietly, whilst pulling her away from the group by the arm. “I don’t know how much you know about her anxiety—“

“I know she takes medicine and sees a therapist sometimes.”

Lily nodded. “Right... but have you actually seen her having a panic attack before?”

“Lily, if she is having a panic attack in a room by herself right now then you have to let me know. I may not have seen her at her worst but if she needs me—“

“She is,” Lily said, gripping her arm tighter.

“You both should have told me immediately.”

“No, she should have told me straight away. I’m her best friend and her sister, I’ve gotten her through a hundred of these things.”

Kamilah glared at her curiously. “You say that like you’re more important than me — her girlfriend — and you’re out here instead of comforting her! I’m confused as to how you think that is helping her in any way—“

“Kamilah, you haven’t seen her like this before. Sometimes she just needs to be by herself, she actually asked me to leave her alone. I took her some cold water and made sure she’s been taking her medicine but she— she told me to leave. When she’s like this you have to listen to what she wants or you risk making it worse, unless you think she’s gonna do something you can’t—“

“Do something?,” she yelped. “What the hell does that mean?”

“Unless she’s actively showing that she’s suicidal or wants to hurt herself, she’s alright to be on her own if that’s what she needs,” Lily explained calmly. “I check on her every few minutes when she asks to be alone and she texts me if she needs me sooner, we have a whole system in place—“

“What has upset her?,” Kamilah hissed.

Lily raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything, as the answer was obvious. A human may have been adaptable to the world of vampires. A human heart, however, was not.

“Kamilah, you really should give her some space—“

“I’m trying to be a better woman,” Kamilah quickly said, her voice low and somber. “For her I am trying and I will keep trying until I get it right. I... I have to make sure she’s okay. I have to.”

The ancient vampire’s stomach lurched as she wandered away from her protégé and wandered towards her girlfriend’s bedroom, a guilt that wasn’t hers to bear sickening her to her gut. Anastasia was a Bloodkeeper, bloodbound to the vampire world even with Kamilah removed from the equation, so why did she feel like this was all her fault? Her mortal was beautiful, sweet, and as near to innocent as anything or anyone she’d ever met. And she was tainting her. Exposing her to deviant people and fucked-up, sick things that she should never even know about, let alone get this close to.

Her hand hovered on the doorknob, pausing for a moment before entering the bedroom. Even from outside the door she could hear muffled raspy breaths and a heart beating so frantically that it had induced an abnormal rhythm. She didn’t know what she was doing, warmth was not a special skill of hers so she could only hope that when she opened the door Anastasia would like what she saw, that she’d be enough for her even when she was feeling so bad within herself — that she’d do anything to be her queen. She wanted to respect Anastasia’s privacy, of course, and didn’t want to do anything that could potentially make this episode worse — but she also needed her to know that she’d be there for her in times like this. That she didn’t have to hide her symptoms from her. She needed her to know that she would protect her, ravage her, hunt those who hurt her, and give her the life she deserved. Her fortune was hers, as were her secrets. And she would give her the corpses of the men who hurt her.

This woman was hers, even before either of them knew it. Anastasia was hers in some strange way that she still didn’t understand. The only way she could think of to explain it to herself was… You just know… you know that moment, that person is going to shape you for the rest of your life.

“Annie?,” she said softly as she slipped inside the room, freezing in the doorway at the sight of Anastasia. She was hunched over on the bed, clutching a pillow to her chest, her hair messed up in a way that made it look as if she’d been pulling at it, her face drenched with tears. The hurt in her eyes made Kamilah’s ancient heart clench in her chest, how could a mortal endure that much pain and keep on living? Her glacial gaze was starting to eat away at her insides. Razor-blade butterflies whirled in her heart. 

“Please don’t look at me like this,” the mortal sobbed, burying her face in the pillow. “Its... better if you don’t see me like this. If you can’t see my scars, you can pretend that they don’t exist.” Her voice was hoarse and distant when she spoke, and filled with fear. As if she was repeating word-for-word what someone else had once said to her after seeing her this way. “Please go— you’ll— you’ll never look at me the same way after this. I’m a mess.”

“You know how I feel about your scars,” Kamilah soothed as she moved slowly towards the bed. She sat down beside her, knowing better than to touch her in this state unless Anastasia explicitly stated that she could. “They only make you more beautiful.”

Anastasia hesitantly looked up at her, but didn’t say anything as the tears silently spilled down her face. Most people hid their pain deep inside them, in places no one ever went or even knew existed. Not until it was too late. Kamilah had never comforted someone in this state before, she had no idea what she was doing but she... wanted to try. For Anastasia, she had to try. She was head over heels in love with her. No, that didn’t describe it in the slightest. She was ready to tear her own fucking heart out and throw it at her, beg her to take it into hers. She was falling from the greatest heights with no safety net below. she was giving everything of her own life for hers, giving up every inch of her soul so she could wear it proudly. She was a former queen on her knees in front of the true queen. A jester begging for a chance. She was powerless, helpless and entirely at her mercy.

“If you really wish to be alone, I will leave you be and stand guard at the door to make sure nobody bothers you,” she said softly. “But I need you to know that you don’t have to hide this from me. Whoever made you think this was something to be ashamed of, I am not them. I will not think less of you for this, and I truly want to help in any way that you’ll let me.”

“I want you to stay with me,” she whimpered. “And that’s the problem. Every time you leave me, I need you a little bit more— and I get too clingy when I’m like this and— I’m sorry— but you’ll get sick of me eventually—“

“Can I hug you?,” she interjected.

Anastasia nodded and she slid across the mattress to envelop her in her embrace. Kamilah clung to her and made soothing sounds in her ear, gently stroking her hair. The woman she loved was in her arms and she was safe and they were both safe and the rest of the world could go to hell for all she cared. Nothing else mattered to her at that moment. Nothing.

“I don’t want to burden your life,” Anastasia cried, her shoulders shaking as Kamilah rubbed her back, being careful to avoid the wound she’d received.

“Annie," she said quietly, her fingers trailing down the side of her wet face. She touched her gentler than she’d ever touched anyone. It was so funny what love could do to a person. It stripped them of everything, even their instincts. It created a new reality for them to adhere to, a new world where they broke their own rules just to keep the love intact. Kamilah loved her, more than anyone should love anything — despite having not told her yet. It was the kind of love that either filled you up or ate away at you. She loved her at her own risk. She loved her… dangerously. She cupped her face in her hands and her eyes closed at her touch. “My Annie. My beautiful girl. I will burn for you. I will die for you. I promise you'll never have to worry about burdening my life. You gave me a life. I never lived a single day until the first day I met you.”

She buried her face into the girl’s hair and held her tighter as she cried, but being mindful that her fragile mortal body would likely still be sore from facing down The Order of the Dawn. It’d been so long since she’d seen someone cry like this, so long since she had cried like this — she could only vaguely remember crying herself to sleep in the weeks that had followed her Turning, overwhelmed with things she couldn’t have admitted to anyone... even at the age of thirty she’d found the world of vampires incredibly difficult to adjust to. Anastasia was twenty-two, a mortal, and wasn’t only being scared by her strange visions that no one could possibly understand but by the fact she had somehow been bloodbound to this world since the moment she was born.

“I’m sorry,” Anastasia murmured. 

“You have nothing to apologise for, I promise. Life leaves scars. Sometimes you don’t see them until later. Sometimes you don’t know where they’ve come from. Sometimes they fade before your eyes. But the world leaves its mark on us all... and it’s not something you should ever apologise for. It is not your fault.” She kissed her behind the ear and breathed in deeply. “I can see all your cracks and your darkness and your flaws and I am amazed with it all. And I hope you can be amazed with everything that I am, all that lurks in my dark, all that shines in my light. I want you to love every little piece of me, because it all belongs to you. So don’t hide from me. Please.”

“I’m just— I’m...,” she sighed, “I don’t know—“

“Overwhelmed?”

She nodded tearfully. “Somehow, by dealing with the dead, I have never felt so alive... but I’m also completely overwhelmed and I— I don’t know what I’m doing. It’s like I am stuck being the person I am and not the person I was before. Or could be, if I learned to stop getting so overwhelmed with everything. I know that’s just life. You make what you can of it... but I feel like such a liar because I’m scared all the time and act like I’m fine when I’m not. I’m not okay.”

“I know how you feel,” she whispered. “Because sometimes I lie, too, Annie. We all lie, even you, but not everyone is brave enough to admit it.”

“You do?”

“Indeed.” She gently wiped her tears away. “Back when I first entered this lifestyle I was little more than a con artist pretending to be brave. A liar. A thief. An unredeemable soul. I thought that I couldn’t be reformed. That I couldn’t be saved. I’d rather have died trying to make the world pay for what it did to me. And I thought everyday that I’d die alone. I was so frightened by everything, yet couldn’t show weakness.”

“Because of Gaius?”

“Yes,” she sighed, “because of Gaius— but you don’t have to pretend with me. You don’t have to hold back your tears or pretend that you’re completely fine with what the world has thrown at you. It’s okay not to be okay, and it’s okay to admit it.”

“Is it weird that it makes me feel so alive, though?,” Anastasia asked quietly. “I think that’s what’s so overwhelming about it. I’m feeling so much and doing more than I ever thought I could... but I’m also really scared.”

“I don’t think it’s weird at all,” Kamilah said, her lips brushing against her cheek. “I’m feeling the very same way.”

“Kami?,” the mortal whispered.

“Mmmm?,” she grunted.

“I hope you never stop feeling alive.”

She could have sworn her heart skipped a few beats. Her entire body tensed. Then relaxed. Now it was her time to blush, evidently. Except that she was a stone cold vampire and she simply hadn’t done that for two thousand years. “As long as you’re around,” she said softly, “I’ll be alive.”

Anastasia rested her forehead against hers and closed her eyes, her breathing still a little bit irregular. Then her lips found hers. It made her heart ache, made her soul ache. She loved her far too much. Even at her worst, she made her want to be a better woman. To be good enough for the both of them. What they had — it consumed her. It devoured her. And it scared her more than anything she had ever encountered, because if she ever lost her, if she ever had to live without her, she wouldn’t be whole. Anastasia didn’t just have her heart, she was her heart. She used to be so fearless. Then she met her. Then she realised just how much she really had to lose.

“I'd give everything to back to that moment we had the chance to kill him and make things right,” Kamilah whispered after a moment of silence. The sadness and anger the weren’t all hers weren’t inherently vampiric. If she let them, they'd follow her around the world, sunshine and stakes be damned. “I’m scared of him. I’m disgusted by the vile monster he becomes, this beast he lets out.”

"Would you really? Would you go back in time and change that, if you could?"

"I— No, maybe not... because I’m not sure I could’ve lived with the guilt before I’d had the opportunity to make myself strong again. I— I think I needed that century to realise that the whole time I thought Gaius was the one who needed saving, I was actually the one who needed to be saved the most.” She sighed. “Because if things had happened differently then I wouldn't have this. I wouldn't have you. I have to live with my mistakes, but I don't have to regret them. I regret my actions but I can't regret the consequences.”

“I don’t regret anything either,” Anastasia breathed as she gently brushed Kamilah’s bottom lip with the pad of her thumb. Her fingertips felt like whispers, telling her skin secrets. “Even if my anxiety makes it seem like I do sometimes, I need you to know I don’t. Okay?”

“Okay,” Kamilah nodded, smiling softly. Her gaze wandered all over her face from those big blue eyes that made her melt to her nose to her temple to her lips. She had trouble even looking at her face without getting lost in the beauty, lost in the feelings, the love she had for her. “Look at you,” she whispered, playfully nipping at her finger.

“Me?”

She gave a faint nod of her head. “What a rare and beautiful thing you are. My darling. You’re going to be my undoing.”

“Touch me,” Anastasia whispered. “Please. I need... I need to feel something.”

“Are you sure?” She caressed her cheek, her eyes searching her face. “There’s absolutely no pressure if you’re not feeling up to it—“

They kissed as if it was the first time. As if it was the last time. And Anastasia whispered, “I’m sure. Please, Kami. Touch me. Make me yours.”

“You already are,” whispered Kamilah.

Outside, the midday sun was already climbing the sky, but neither of them cared. After battling through the Order Of The Dawn’s headquarters, they both needed this. They needed each other. They each had so much light in their arms, it was so easy to pretend nothing else in the world mattered. Just for a little longer. They made love incessantly and intensely, slow and fast, hard and soft. Kamilah was lost in her body. Lost in her.

This mortal woman, who had taught her about everything she had forgotten and things she’d never known. And the only way she could possibly repay her for everything she had given her was with her heart. It may not have been worth much coming from a troubled woman like her, but it was real and it was hers.

“I think I’m losing myself,” Anastasia whispered to her after they’d both come, their bodies naked, sweaty and sated, limbs draped over limbs, hands holding onto hands. Kamilah’s throat felt thick, her breath heavy, her words weighing a ton. “Every time I’m inside you, with you, I think I lose a little bit more.” She turned her head to the side to look at her. She was staring at her with big, wet eyes so full of everything she could ever want from her. “In the end you might have all my pieces,” she told her. “Please always be this gentle with them.”

~ fin.

**Author's Note:**

> PS: I know I’m posting a lot but my entire region/city is now back in lockdown and I literally have nothing to do this weekend but write and listen to Faouzia 😅


End file.
